I painted ‘Resting Peace’ 15 years ago when I was 18 and dependent on a wheelchair to leave the house, recovering from a full year totally bedridden barely able to talk or eat or sit up. My mother bathed and fed me during this time and even this was a mammoth effort for me.
The blues and purples in the outside of the picture represent the ease of the world, the beauty outside of my body. The reds of my body represent pain and discomfort, blood stagnant and aching all over. This was my rest. I would try to tune out the pain in my body and see if I could notice and take on the outside stimulus of the gentle blues. Mostly I was overwhelmed with the pain.
At this time I hated my body as all it brought me was pain and exhaustion and thousands of terrible symptoms. I felt caged in this body, trapped, being tortured, no way out…
Now, 15 years later and still experiencing extreme pain constantly, I realise it’s not my body that confines me and causes me grief. My poor little body is so weakend by this powerful illness and yet it still keeps going, keeps fighting, keeps me alive to experience the love, small joys and simple pleasures of this wonderful world. It allows me to experience existence.
My body is not a cage trapping me in torture, it is an amazingly strong and resilient beautiful marvel coping with a massive load while still helping me experience this life, which beyond the illness is precious. My body’s a fighter, powerful and valuable. Oh little body how I love you.
When I’m in a lot of pain I now talk to my body, encourage it kindly to keep going, thanking it for surviving thus far, asking it to continue. The other night I couldn’t sleep due to pain so I lay awake talking to my body giving it love. I wrote this:
“My Precious Body’
© 2013 by Shiloh Moore
Precious brave body
You deal with so much
such a heavy load
for such young shoulders
Keep on Keeping on
Look after you
Stay strong –
You can do it.
You live so broken
yet you survive
and continue to live
using great strength.
You experience life so richly and deeply
even when you are forced to have bed rest,
hour after hour, day after day
My body: You Belong.
There is purpose for your being.
How powerful and strong you are
Despite feeling so helpless
frustrated and overwhelmed,
pained and utterly exhausted.
You are amazing
You are precious
Keep fighting beautiful one
Oh little body how I love you.
6 thoughts on “My Precious Body”
You're amazing Shi, you really are. Privileged to be able to call you a friend. huge love, NJ
What a beautiful post Shi. A great reminder to be thankful for all that our bodies cope with in the midst of M.E. You are a brave warrior & I for one count it a privileged to share this journey with you. Praying that better days lie ahead for you sweet. Xx
tears at this Shi . i too came to this place — realsing how hard and determinedly my body fights and works to keep me going- what aload it has to carry to obey the master's commands . thank you for putting it so well — our bodies are not the enemy — rest well i hope
Thanks so much di xx Love to you xx
Thanks you VBG xx It's wonderful to share the journey with you too. Definite hope for better days for both of us
Thanks so much NJ xx Huge love right back atcha xx